Seddie Songfics
by bananarama92
Summary: A random collection of Seddie one-shot songfics. Mostly fluffy.
1. Fascinating New Thing

_**Hey guys. This is sort of a collection of random one-shot song fics, all inspired by little pieces of songs instead of the whole thing. I have no idea how many of these there will be, I'll just have to see if and when inspiration strikes. Ah well, enough babbling. Enjoy, review, you know the drill. **_

_**Just by the way, I love reviews. They make me really happy :) **_

_I'm surprised that you've never been told before_

_That you're lovely and you're perfect and that somebody wants you_

I walked into school listening to my PearPod, stopping in my tracks as I turned the corner. Across the hall I could see Carly leaning against the lockers and chatting to some guy who was obviously head over heels for her. I could tell that Carly was flirting back – all the signs were there. She was twirling her hair around her index finger and looking shyly down at the floor before peeking up at the guy through her eyelashes and smiling coyly. I watched, tensing a bit as she threw her head back and laughed, putting her hand on the guys arm in a "oh-stop-it!" kind of way. I wasn't jealous – I had long gotten over my crush on Carly, but I had become fiercely protective of her, and I tended to behave almost like her older brother when it came to Carly's many suitors. I reacted much the same way that Spencer did when I saw Carly flirting with a new guy, or I saw a guy trying to impress her.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of blonde, and I stepped forward slightly so I could see around a row of lockers. I saw Sam hiding behind them and peeking out, watching Carly and the guy with the most forlorn and wistful expression I had ever seen on her face. She gazed at them with a look of unbearable sadness, and as I watched her, I could have sworn I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I nearly recoiled in shock – Sam Puckett doesn't cry. Suddenly, Sam looked up and saw me looking at her. She held my gaze for a panicked moment, like a deer in the headlights, then turned on her heel and bolted down the corridor. I ran after her, silently thanking God that puberty had finally hit, bringing with it long legs that allowed me to catch up to her. I followed her path through the school, and we were outside before I finally caught up to her.

"Sam!" I panted, grabbing her shoulder. "Sam, stop!"

She tried desperately to wriggle free, but puberty had also given me strength to match Sam's, and she couldn't escape.

"Go away, Fredward" she spat. "Leave me alone"

"No" I said, catching my breath. "Not until you tell me what's wrong"

"What are you talking about, nub?" Sam demanded.

"Oh quit pretending. I saw you in the hallway"

"LET ME GO!"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong"

"Fine" she conceded with a gusty sigh. I let go of her arm and took her wrist in case she tried to run away again, and she dropped onto the grass, leaning against the wall. I sat next to her and looked at her expectantly.

"It's just…" she began, sounding as though she was having trouble finding the right words. "Carly's had boys following her around like lovesick puppies since we were about eleven, yourself included"

"I'm over that and you know it" I interrupted.

"Who cares, you still spent a good chunk of time following her around and obeying her every command" she retorted. "As I was saying, she always has guys falling madly in love with her and I… I just… nobody does that for me" she whispered.

I sat in silence, not sure what to say to that. If I told Sam what I wanted to tell her, that I had been falling hard and fast for her ever since we kissed, I would end up in the emergency ward.

"Carly always has a million guys at her beck and call, and I have none" she whispered, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "I know I'm mean, but am I really that bad?"

"Of course not, Sam" I said softly.

"Then how come everyone loves Carly, and no one loves me?" she asked sadly.

"Sam" I began, letting go of her wrist and taking her hand. Surprisingly, she didn't pull away. "I'll tell you a little secret. I am astonished that you've never been told before how awesome you are. If the dumbasses at this school can't see that, then that's their loss. Carly, I love her and all, but she's sort of…vacant. What you see – the happy, giggly, squealy, girly girl – is what you get. With you, it's different. You have all these layers, Sam, and the outer layers are a little…abrasive, yes, but once you get past them there's this whole other side of you that nobody ever takes the time to see. And it kills me. It kills me that these guys are too wimpy to even try to get past the tough Sam and see the amazing person that I see. But you know what? When you do get a guy who treats you the way all those guys treat Carly, you'll know he really likes you, because he's taking the effort to battle past the bully Sam everyone else sees, and get to know the Sam underneath. And trust me Sam – when he does, he'll love what he finds. Just like I do"

I squeezed her hand gently and sat back, realizing how much I had just said. Sam was sitting perfectly still, clearly digesting everything I had just said, and I was mentally kicking myself for blurting out my feelings like that. _Way to go, idiot _I thought angrily. I had just essentially told her that I love her, which was a very unwise thing to do.

"Hey Freddie?" she finally said.

"Yeah?"

With that, she leaned over and gently kissed my cheek. She pulled back slightly and I turned my head to look at her. She was mere inches away from my face, and as she gazed into my eyes, I saw a tenderness that I had never seen before. She ran her fingertips lightly along my jawbone and down my neck, playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. I took her face in my hand, placing my hand on her neck and running my thumb across the smooth skin of her cheek. Slowly, Sam closed the distance between us and kissed me gently. One soft, sweet kiss. She pulled back and smiled at me, twining our fingers together.

"You're really good at this pep talk thing"


	2. Don't Be Afraid

_**Okay guys. Round 2! I should warn you that this fic has no real plot to speak of, just lots of fluff. I generally try to stay away from excessive amounts of fluff, but that sort of went out the window here. Maybe I'm getting it all out of my system now or something. Ah well. Enjoy.**_

_Don't be afraid to fall in love  
Cause I don't believe in giving up  
Please give me a chance to earn your trust  
Cause I know I can be everything that you need  
Don't be afraid to fall in love  
And don't ever say that is just too much  
Cause you never know I could be the one  
Gir,l we're not all the same,  
Babe, don't be afraid to love_

**Freddie's POV**

Ugh. This girl is impossible, all secret glances and mixed signals. Just when I begin to think that maybe she might like me back, she turns around and does something that rips that thought out of my head and extinguishes any feeble spark of hope I may have had. She doesn't make sense to me, and it frustrates the hell out of me, but it's one of the things I love about her. She's so unpredictable, and you never know quite where you stand with her, but it makes life interesting. I love how she keeps me guessing, and makes me fight for it. It used to really bother me, her unpredictability. I was so used to every aspect of my life following a strict routine that I saw Sam as volatile, a ticking bomb that could go off at any second and destroy anything too close. Now, Sam was the only interesting and exciting thing in my life, other than iCarly.

We had become closer than I thought possible, and the more I got to know her, the more I realized what an amazing person she actually is. I was currently irrevocably in love with her, a dangerous position to be in. I wasn't entirely sure if she knew, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did. I have always been a terrible liar, really bad at hiding my feelings, and Sam has always had this uncanny knack for reading people. Also, this whole thing of Sam making me think she likes me back and then crushing my hopes? That was a very Sam thing to do if she knew I liked her. She would purposely play with my emotions for her own amusement. I would hate her if I didn't love her.

**Sam's POV**

Oh, this is bad. He can't know I like him. Somehow he has become my best friend, and I can't risk ruining that, even though I'm pretty sure he likes me too. He's always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve. I keep slipping up and letting my true feelings show, but then I come to my senses and have to cover them up and make him believe I don't like him. I can tell he's incredibly confused and I hate doing that to him, but I don't have a choice. Actually, that's a lie. I find it quite amusing, but I can tell it hurts him and that's the part I can't take. I can't take knowing that he is in real pain, and that I caused it. I mean, I always cause him pain, but this is different. This is too much for even me.

I walked onto Freddie's fire escape, where he was sitting. Neither of us said it, but since we shared our first kiss here, this had become our spot.

"Hey Fredward" I said. He sat up and turned around.

"Sam?" he said in confusion. "How'd you get in?"

"Picked the lock" I said.

"Of course you did" said Freddie, resuming his original position. He sat back, his arms folded across his chest. I looked around for my usual chair, but I didn't see it.

"Where's my chair?" I asked. Freddie flung out his arm and pointed, and I looked in the direction he indicated. My chair was folded up in a corner under the overhang of the roof.

"Why's it there?" I asked, walking over to get it.

"I put it there to keep it dry last night and forgot to put it back" answered Freddie. I set up the chair and dropped into it, slouching back and stretching my legs straight out in front of me. My arms were flung out to either side of me, and one of my hands barely brushed Freddie's where he had left his arm when he pointed to my chair. I considered moving it so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea, but then a selfish little part of me decided to keep it there, mainly for my own gratification. We sat in silence for a moment before Freddie gently moved his fingertips about an inch over my hand. When I did nothing, he ran them about three inches along the back of my hand. When I again did nothing, he hesitantly began softly and very, very slowly running his fingers over my hand. My entire body went all tingly and I knew that I should pull my hand away before Freddie got the wrong idea (or rather, the right idea that I didn't want him to get) but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Freddie gently pushed my hand open, spreading my fingers and running his fingertips ever so softly over the palm of my hand. I closed my eyes and gave a little sigh of contentment, revelling in the feel of Freddie's hand on mine. After a few minutes he stopped and slowly, hesitantly pressed his palm against mine, threading our fingers together. My eyes popped open and I came back to my senses. This can't happen. I couldn't let it. I pulled my hand away, wishing with all my heart that I could leave it there.

"Okay Sam, that's it" said Freddie exasperatedly.

"What do you mean, dork?" I demanded, knowing full well what he meant.

"This!" he said, gesturing to my hand. "The mixed signals. I can't take it anymore"

"Stop being such a drama queen" I scoffed, praying that he would drop the subject.

"I'm not being a drama queen" he retorted. His face softened. "I'd say it's pretty obvious how I feel about you. But you…you have me so confused and I can't do it anymore. You need to tell me, yes or no, right now"

"I don't have to tell you anything" I said, getting to my feet and walking to the fire escape. I felt Freddie grab my arm to stop me. I tried to wrench it out of his grip, but he refused to let go. Damn you, puberty, for making him so strong.

"Sam" I heard him say gently behind me. "Please, I have to know. Do you feel the same way, or not?"

"It's not that easy" I said, turning around to face him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "It's a fairly straightforward question"

"No, it isn't" I said, looking up at him. "Whatever I say, it comes with…complications"

"Forget the complications" he whispered, gazing straight at me. "Forget everything. Just tell me…do you feel the same way?"

Unable to say anything, I slowly nodded. Freddie's face broke into a huge grin.

"There" he said. "Was that so hard?"

"We can't do this" I whispered, my heart breaking.

"Why not?" asked Freddie. "What are you afraid of?"

"What if we break up?" I said, looking at the floor. "What if we date for a while and then have some horrible breakup and we can't stand being around each other? I don't want to risk screwing up this weird, twisted friendship we have"

"Sam" Freddie began, taking my chin gently in his hand and tilting my face up to look at him. "What if we don't break up? What if we are perfect for each other, and we end up spending the rest of our lives together? Are you really too scared to even give us a chance?"

"It's just that I-"

"Sam, you're so brave" Freddie interrupted. "You aren't afraid of anything"

"I'm afraid of losing you" I whispered, embarrassed to be laying my soul bare in front of him. I don't think he truly understood how much he meant to me, and how lost I would be without him.

"I promise I will never let that happen" Freddie said softly, taking my hands in his and twining our fingers together.

"How can you promise that?" I said. "How do you know for sure that it won't go all wrong?"

"I don't" he conceded. "But I do know that I will do any and everything to make this work. I'm not gonna pretend it'll be easy, cause it won't. But I'm willing to work at this, because it's worth it. You're worth it"

My heart was going at a million miles an hour, but I was still unsure if I could do this.

"I don't know, Freddie" I said.

"What?" he asked. "What don't you know?"

"I don't know if this is right"

"Does it feel right?"

"I dunno" I said truthfully. "I'm feeling so many things right now I'm finding it hard to keep track"

"Sam, I lo-"

"Don't" I cut him off. "Don't say that"

"Why not?"

"Because everyone who ever said that to me has ended up disappointing me" I said. "And you know me better than them, better than anyone else, so you can hurt me more than they can"

"Do you really think I'd do that to you?"

"I didn't think any of the others would do it, but they did" I said, half-convinced. I knew in my heart that Freddie was different.

"Well, you're just going to have to trust me" he said. "But that's what love is. It's…taking a loaded gun, giving it to someone and telling them to point it at your head, trusting that they won't pull the trigger"

"I-"

"Don't you trust me, Sam?" he said softly, leaning his head forward until our foreheads were touching. "Do you really think I'd pull the trigger?"

"But Freddie" I began, still grasping at reasons why we would end in disaster. "Look at the way we fight now. If we get together, don't you think that every part of our relationship would get more intense? Including the fighting?"

"Honestly?" he said. "No, I don't. And even if it does, that's okay. Love isn't like a fairytale. It's messy and complicated and impossible. But if I strip away all that, I'm left with one basic fact. I want to be with you, Sam. I want you, all of you, you and me together"

"Freddie…" I whispered. I was trying to think of more reasons why we shouldn't be together, but I couldn't. Or maybe I didn't want to, because I knew that deep down, this was what I wanted.

"So what do you say, Sam?" Freddie asked. "Are you gonna give us a shot?"

I looked up at Freddie, gazing directly into his warm eyes, and slowly nodded. As I did, I felt pure happiness bubbling up inside me, and I knew I had made the right choice. Freddie smiled wide, looking happier than I had ever seen him, and scooped me up in a hug, swinging me around. He put me on my feet and then leaned forward and planted his lips firmly on mine. As he kissed me, I wondered why I had even bothered fighting in the first place. It felt so right, so perfect that all the reasons why we shouldn't just didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that I was his and he was mine.


	3. The Saltwater Room

_**Hey guys, here's another. Sorry it took so long for me to update, but I have had a major case of writer's block. Everything I write recently is absolute crap. This is the best of a bad bunch, I promise you. Still not great, but whatever. I love reviews :)**_

_Time together is just never quite enough  
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home  
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?  
Only time, only time  
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?  
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?  
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?  
All the time, all the time._

**Sam's POV**

"Crap, what time is it?"

I pulled out my phone to check the time, and felt the familiar sinking feeling of disappointment in my stomach, like when you're watching a movie and you have to turn it off right when it's getting good.

"I should go" I said, getting reluctantly to my feet. I had been here for almost four and a half hours, but it still wasn't enough. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you that five minutes in Freddie Benson's house was four minutes and fifty-nine seconds too long, but now I wished with all my heart that I could stay. I felt like I had been there for ten minutes.

"Yeah, I guess you should" said Freddie. He sounded a little dejected, but maybe that was just my imagination. "If my mom comes home and finds me home alone with a girl, far less you, I will literally never leave my room ever again. She will hire bouncers to guard the door and ninjas to patrol the corridors"

Mrs Benson hated me, and I couldn't say I blamed her. I mean, the feeling was mutual, but only because we were as opposite as two people could be. I was lazy, she was almost a machine in her efficiency. I was rude, she was unfailingly polite. I was violent, she was a pacifist. I was vaguely unhygienic, she was a major germaphobe. I tormented Freddie, and…well, she tormented Freddie too, but only because she was trying to protect him. Freddie and I had become weirdly close, closer than I thought possible, but we had to hide from Mrs Benson in case she stopped Freddie from seeing me, therefore stopping him from doing iCarly. To be honest, saving iCarly was our excuse – neither of us said it, but we were trying to save our weird, twisted friendship. Freddie had somehow become my best friend, and we spent more time together than either of us cared to admit. We were both still slightly in denial about how close we were, how much we relied on each other. When we were around other people we sort of hid our friendship, acting like we weren't as close as we were, but when we were alone it was an entirely different matter. We would talk for hours, and laugh until we cried, and on the rare occasion that we ran out of things to say, we would sit in comfortable silence. Those stolen hours that we spent alone together – they felt so natural, so right. Everything would be so perfect, even if just for a little while, that I could forget about my alcoholic, insane mother, and my perfect sister, and my incarcerated father, and my criminal record, and my dump of a house. Those hours felt like the way my life should be. You know that feeling you get when you come home from a really long, stressful, exhausting day? That's the way those hours felt. Like a sigh of relief. Like home.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, nerd" I said, walking out into the hallway.

"Bye Sam" he said, shutting the door behind me. I traipsed down the hall and into the elevator, leaning against the wall and sighing. It was a strange feeling, spending time with Freddie. It felt so right, so comfortable, but at the same time I had never felt more alone in my life. Although I refused to admit it, I had fallen for Freddie. He was a dork, but he was quite funny, and kinda cute in a nubby way, and he was such a genuinely good person. When I was with him it made me want to be a better person, and I could tell that when we were together, he became a little more spontaneous, and a little crazier. We were good for each other, and it killed me that we could never be together. There was no way Freddie liked me. I was mean, and violent, and constantly ripped on him. At the same time, I often swore I was getting signals from him. We were getting increasingly flirty with each other, but it was subtle enough that it could be passed off as friendship, and I frequently told myself that I was just imagining it. Then something would happen that would convince me otherwise, and a warm glow would spread through me. There was just the tiniest hint of something more, but we both knew that we couldn't rush it. This tiny spark of something could just as easily die as turn into something more, and only time would tell which it would be.

**Freddie's POV**

I turned and walked back inside, feeling the familiar knot of disappointment in the pit of my stomach. I got that knot every time I watched Sam walk away from me. I had fallen hard for her and we had been slowly getting flirty, but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted things to move faster, but I knew they couldn't. I still wasn't sure if she liked me back, and I wasn't willing to jeopardize this glimmer of something just because I rushed into it. I was about to sit down when I saw Sam's keys on my table. I knew that her mom was in Vegas, so without her keys Sam had no way of getting into her house. I grabbed them and ran to the elevator, pressing the button frantically.

**Sam's POV**

The elevator dinged as it reached the lobby, pulling me out of my thoughts. I suddenly realized that whenever I wasn't with Freddie, chances are that I was thinking about him. Dissecting every minute together and searching for signs, or imagining the two of us together, or just thinking about him. I had his every feature memorized, and could paint a perfect picture of him in my head. I knew the exact shade of his eyes, and the small scar on his chin, and the pale caramel colour of the soft baby hairs on the back of his neck. I could tell you the exact location of every freckle and every birthmark. I daydreamed about what it would be like to hold his hand, and run my fingers through his hair, and kiss him again. I thought about him all the time, and I wondered if he thought of me too. I walked outside to find a slow, steady drizzle turning the city grey. I pulled up the hood on my hoodie and began walking home. I turned back and looked at Freddie's window, searching for one last glimpse of Freddie before I went home, but the window was empty.

"Don't you wish we could just fall in love?" I asked the empty window.

"All the time"

I whipped around and saw Freddie standing behind me, looking slightly embarrassed but smiling gently at me.

"Freddie!" I gasped, mortified and elated all at the same time. "What are you-"

I was cut off by Freddie pressing his lips against mine. I froze in surprise for a moment, and then I closed my eyes and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. It started to rain harder, but I barely noticed. The rain was cold, thunder was rumbling, the streetlight was flickering and we were both soaked, but standing there with my arms around Freddie, all the world was right.


	4. A Beautiful Mess

**Hey guys. I know you probably thought that I dropped off the face of the earth, but in reality I have had so much effing work to do that I didn't have any time. Then, even when I was totally ignoring all my work, I was suffering the biggest case of writer's block the world has ever seen. I have about eight unfinished fics, all of them utter crap. This is the best of a bad bunch, believe me. It's based on the song 'A Beautiful Mess' by Jason Mraz. If you don't know it, then you should totally listen to it. My song of the moment. Sorry for all the babbling, I know that none of you really care :). As always, reviews make my day. Literally. It's quite pathetic, actually.**

"Oh damn"

I sat straight up in bed, my mind racing. I had been lying there, drifting off to sleep, when I remembered something. Tomorrow was our three month anniversary. I know that didn't seem like anything special, but three was her lucky number. She did everything in threes, and I thought that it would be nice to give her something for our three month anniversary.

But I had totally forgotten until now.

I turned on my lamp and looked at my watch. 11:48. _Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap _I thought frantically as I leaped out of bed. I racked my brain for something I could give her that I already had in my house. I ran around my room, haphazardly rummaging around looking for something, anything that would work. I had just given up hope and dropped dejectedly onto my bed when I saw the corner of a piece of paper sticking out from underneath my bed. I had seen that piece of paper so many times that I recognized it instantly, and a sense of relief slowly spread throughout me, thoroughly mingled with apprehension.

_I can't do that _I told myself. _She would laugh at me._

_No she wouldn't _another part of me answered. _It's perfect._

I continued arguing with myself in this manner for quite some time before I finally picked up the piece of paper, my decision made.

"Hey" I said, propping open the door to the roof with the brick that lay on the floor. She had been standing by the railing, gazing out over the city, but she turned when she heard my voice.

"Hey" she said, smiling at me. No matter how many times she did that, she always took my breath away and left me wondering if this could possibly be real. I walked over and gave her a quick kiss hello before standing next to her. We stood in silence for a moment before I looked down at her.

"Happy three month anniversary" I said. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, but grinned all the same.

"How do you remember this crap?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm just an amazing boyfriend" I said, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly. She rolled her eyes with a giggle and gave me a gentle shove. I turned and began to walk towards the door.

"Since it's our three month anniversary, and I know how you are about threes, I have a surprise for you" I said, stopping in the doorway and turning to face her. Excitement suffused her face.

"What is it?" she asked eagerly.

"Don't go getting all excited, it's not much" I said, reaching around the doorframe and feeling for my guitar where I had propped it on the wall. I found it with my fingers and brought it onto the roof. I laid the case on the floor and opened it, pulling out the guitar and sitting on the floor. I played a few random chords while Sam settled herself on the floor opposite me.

"Okay, this has sort of been a work in progress for about a year and a half now" I said, slightly embarrassed. "I finished it three months ago today"

"You wrote me a song?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah…" I said, going red. "But most of it was written before we got together"

"Should I be worried?" she asked, giving me a grin.

"Very much so" I answered. "My singing is terrible"

With that, I began to play. I had written the melody so long ago and played it so many times that it came very naturally to me. This was the melody I played when I was stressed or angry or sad, and playing the familiar music calmed my racing heart.

_You've got the best of both worlds_

_You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again_ I sang, not looking up at her. Seeing her face, whether her expression was good or bad, would strip me of the courage to keep singing. I remembered writing that line the night after we kissed on my fire escape. So easily she had ruined my life. A few words were all it took to totally tear me down. But just as easily, with just as few words, she had fixed everything. That was the funny thing about Sam – she could be so vicious, but when she knew she had gone too far, she always managed to fix it. No matter how hopeless the situation seemed, she always managed to find a way to make it okay.

_You are strong but you're needy_

_Humble but you're greedy_

_Based on your body language, your shoddy cursive I've been reading_ I continued, still keeping my eyes on my fingers. I recalled struggling trying to express her in just a few words, when I knew that it would take so much more than that. She was so complicated; you could write a novel and still not have truly captured her. I had settled for a couple of weak lines that barely scratched the surface. At this point, I had yet to unravel some of her biggest contradictions, and they kept me awake at night. The biggest contradiction of all was her verbal abuse paired with her subtle physical signs of attraction. I used to agonize over it, staying up to all hours of the night trying to decipher it.

_Your style is quite selective but your mind is rather reckless_

_Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is. _

_Hey what a beautiful mess this is_

_It's like picking up trash in dresses _I continued, hearing her giggle slightly. I had written this line after coming home from a school dance, and I had no doubt that she was remembering that night. Sam had done something to piss off Ms. Briggs that night (shocker, I know) and had been ordered to go and clean up the quad. The quad was a square of grass at Bushwell, and we had been holding the dance there until the inevitable Seattle rain had forced us into the gym. It had since stopped raining, and the grass was covered with plastic cups, plates and other such items. Sam had stormed out of the dance, grabbing my wrist as she went and dragging me outside. Once we reached the quad, she informed me that I was going to help her or she would inflict numerous flesh wounds on me. So the two of us, still in our finery, set about clearing the grass. Well, I cleared the grass. When I looked around at Sam, she was nudging cups with her foot, moving them around slightly and then just leaving them in the grass. When I asked what she was doing, she told me that she was creating art. I stepped back and saw that she had made a pattern of the different coloured cups on the grass.

"It's a mess, but it's kind of a pretty mess" she had said. It struck me then that she had summed up our twisted, complicated, confusing relationship in a few words. A beautiful mess. That's what we were. Our friendship should never have worked, but somehow it did. And it was beautiful, in its own way.

_Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives_ I continued, getting more comfortable singing the song. That line had been written after a History class spent exchanging notes with Sam. I forget what we had been talking about, but I had jokingly written 'oh, you know you love me ;)' and given it to Sam. She had quickly replied with 'as if, dork. nobody loves you' and flung the paper at me. As I read it, I had the sudden overwhelming feeling that she was right. Nobody loved me. I only had two friends, and I had only become friends with them because of iCarly. They were friends before iCarly, before me, and I often felt that if I left our little group I wouldn't be missed all that much. They could go straight back to how it was before I came into the picture. I sat there in class, staring at the note written in Sam's messy scrawl, and each letter felt like a dagger stabbing me in the chest. I crumpled up the note and gazed determinedly ahead at the blackboard, blinking tears out of my eyes.

_And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction _

_Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear_ I sang, smiling a bit. Sam was full of contradictions, and as frustrating as they could be, I liked it. I liked how she kept me guessing, how I was never quite sure what she was thinking or feeling. It made life interesting.

_Cause here we are, here we are_ I continued. As simple as that sentiment was, I felt that it was important. After everything we had been through, all the ups and downs and fights and people telling us it would never work… here we were. We had proven them all wrong and made it through.

_Although you are biased I love your advice_

_Your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities_ I continued, still not daring to look up. It was true that I loved Sam's advice, despite the fact that I never actually asked for it. Regardless of whether or not I actually had a problem, Sam was always giving me advice such as "go step in front of a bus, Benson" or "eat your pants, nerd" and once I learned to stop taking it personally, I began to find it rather amusing. People sometimes thought she was stupid because of her grades, but her grades were terrible purely because she really didn't give a damn about them. Sam was very smart, and quick as a whip. There was no point trying to insult her, or engage in some kind of argument with her, because you would inevitably lose. Her comebacks were clever and quick, but I sometimes got the feeling that she was trying to hide something. I felt like her abrasiveness was a defence mechanism, developed to mask her insecurities.

_There's no shame in being crazy _

_Depending on how you take these words they're paraphrasing this relationship we're staging_ I sang. These lines were written after Sam had a particularly nasty break-up with this douche she was dating. It was also the night when I realized that despite our bickering, we were a lot closer than either of us acknowledged. This guy Sam had been dating, Stuart, had dumped her and left her alone on a desolate street corner at about three in the morning. Sam had called me and asked me to come for her, since she had no way to get home, and I had leaped out of bed and gone without a second thought. On the way back home, I had been a bit nervous. Sam had never been this vulnerable in front of me and I wasn't sure what to say.

"Are you okay?" I asked tentatively. Obviously she wasn't, but this gave her an opportunity to talk if she wanted to, and to say she was fine if she didn't want to talk.

"He called me crazy" she whispered, looking in her lap. Before I could reply, she looked up at me.

"Am I crazy?" she asked, as though she was scared to hear the answer.

"Maybe a little bit" I answered. I saw her face drop, and I quickly kept going. "But who says that's a bad thing?"

"Everyone" she whispered, so quietly I barely heard her.

"Look, maybe you're a little crazy" I said. "But that's nothing to be ashamed of. Crazy can be a good thing, in the right amounts. Crazy can make people fun, and interesting, and unpredictable in the best way. Trust me, Sam. You might be crazy, but that's what makes you so awesome"

There was a brief silence, and I worried that I had gone too far, or said the wrong thing. But then Sam looked up at me and smiled.

"Thank you, Freddie" she whispered. Then, to my surprise, she reached over and took my right hand, the one that wasn't on the steering wheel, and squeezed it gently. In that simple gesture, I understood everything she was trying to tell me. After that we went back to normal until we got to Sam's house. As she got out of the car, she turned as though she was going to tell me something.

"Thanks" she said quietly. Then she raised an eyebrow at me. "But this doesn't mean anything. I still hate you"

"Hate you too" I replied with a grin, remembering that night on my fire escape. She shut the door and I drove away, deep in thought. That simple exchange seemed to paraphrase our entire relationship. We both knew it was more than what we made it out to be, but whenever we came close to facing that reality we instinctively reverted back to the façade we put on. The relationship we staged for everyone else.

_And it's a beautiful mess yes it is _

_It's like we're picking up trash in dresses_

_Well it kind of hurts when the kinds of words you say kind of turn themselves into blades_ I continued, getting into the song a little bit. I hadn't heard a word out of Sam, and I didn't dare look at her.

_And kind and courteous is a life I've heard _

_But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt _I sang, smiling a bit. I remembered writing that line after one particularly wet afternoon. It had finally stopped raining and I was walking across the parking lot of Bushwell when I suddenly received a handful of wet mud on my neck. I looked in the direction from whence it came and saw Sam standing there with a muddy hand and a wicked grin. Bushwell had recently decided to add a small patch of lawn at the back of the building, but unfortunately this was a recent enough addition that the grass had not yet begun to grow. This left a good-sized patch of soil which had just been rained on to create the mud that was now running down my neck into my shirt.

"You know, some girls are nice and sweet and polite" I called to Sam.

"So I've heard" she answered, flinging another handful of mud at me. I dodged it and glared at Sam, who was raising her eyebrows tauntingly. I momentarily considered the trouble I would be in with my mom, then dropped my bag on the ground and ran full pelt towards Sam and the mud. She grinned triumphantly and ran away. We spent the next hour or so getting absolutely filthy, throwing handfuls of mud at each other until Sam finally ran at me and tackled me, pulling me to the ground. I pulled her with me and we wrestled in the mud, laughing the whole time. Eventually I pinned her to the ground, my hands on her shoulders and her face inches from mine. I could feel her breath on my face and in the brown of the mud, her eyes had never looked bluer. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her and for a moment she looked into my eyes and I could have sworn she felt the same way. But then, just as suddenly as it had come, the moment was gone. She pushed me off and ran away, leaving me sitting in the mud, alone and very confused.

_Cause here, here we are_

_Here we are, here we are_ I continued, inwardly marvelling at that fact. Despite everything, here we were.

_We're still here_

_And what a beautiful mess this is _

_It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes_ I sang, getting louder and more intense as I neared the end of the song. A little part of me had always felt that Sam and I were inevitable. Even if it was just a brief fling, it was going to happen sometime.

_And through timeless words and priceless pictures _

_We'll fly like birds not of this earth _I continued, hearing a slight breathy giggle from Sam. I knew that she was remembering the day I wrote that line. There was the most spectacular sunset that evening, and I had headed up to the roof with my camera to take pictures. I got there to find Sam standing at the railing, gazing at the sky. Before she could notice me I took a picture of her, the pinkish purple light of the sunset illuminating her smooth skin and the breeze gently blowing her hair back. I then walked over to her and greeted her. She turned to look at me and then wordlessly looked back at the sky. I took a few pictures of the sunset, but I kept glancing back at Sam. She looked peaceful, and content and so astoundingly beautiful that I had trouble not staring at her. Suddenly I had an idea. I had just gotten a Polaroid camera and had been dying to try it out. I pulled it out, grateful that I had brought it, and pointed it at Sam.

"Smile" I said. She turned to look at me and then quickly covered her face when she saw the camera.

"No"

"Please?" I pleaded. "I just got this and I really wanna try it out. You can have the picture if you like"

She turned to look at me, and then smiled. I snapped the picture, grabbing it and waving it around, eager to see how it turned out. I looked at it and drew in a breath. It was perfect.

"Lemme see" she said, grabbing it. She looked at it, an unreadable expression on her face, and then put it in her pocket.

"Give it here a sec" I said. She threw me a look. "You can have it back, I just wanna do something"

She gave it to me and I wrote the date on the back.

"There" I said, giving it back to her. "You may forget when this was taken, but now you'll can always look on the back and find out"

By then the sun had almost set, and the spectacular sunset had been replaced with an inky blue sky.

"I'm kinda sad the sunset is over" said Sam.

"That's why I took pictures of it" I said. "That's why I'm always taking pictures. When a moment is gone, it's gone forever. But if you take a picture of it, you can always look back on it, kind of like you're getting the moment back. They're priceless that way – once a picture is destroyed or deleted or whatever, you will never ever get another like it, because that moment will never come again"

She said nothing, just looked at me. I put my camera away, slightly embarrassed, and stood next to her. We stood in silence when some birds flew past us.

"I wish I could fly" said Sam suddenly.

"It would be cool to be a bird" I agreed.

"But these birds can only go so high" she said. "I want to be able to fly higher than any of them. Fly away from this stupid city and this stupid country and this stupid planet"

"Yeah" I agreed quietly. "Like some kind of alien bird that can fly across space"

"Yeah" she whispered. I snuck a glance at her, but she was gazing up at the sky with a faraway expression.

_And tides they turn and hearts disfigure but that's no concern when we're wounded together _I sang, remembering the night I wrote that line. Sam and I had both been dating other people, but neither of our hearts was really in it. We both knew that we were more than just friends, but we were both too scared to take the first step because neither of us realized that our feelings were reciprocated. I didn't know she liked me and she didn't know I liked her. We had been dancing around each other for months, but as time wore on, it became harder to hide it. Eventually, my girlfriend and Sam's boyfriend clued in, and they both dumped us. On the same day. We spent the day together, at first since we were both in the post-breakup slump and nobody else really wanted to be around us. As the day progressed, however, we totally forgot all about our respective exes and began just enjoying each other's company. Before this we had been a bit scared to spend too much time alone together because our attraction was getting a bit too strong to deny for too long. When we were around other people it was easier, but when we were alone together it became almost unbearable. At the time I thought it was just my attraction to her, but I have since found out that it was also her attraction to me. But now that we were both single, we didn't have an excuse not to be together, and it scared us. Neither of us was confident enough to take the first step, and so we spent a few months in limbo – slightly more than just friends but not dating.

_And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts but it's nice today_ I sang, remembering the day three months ago when I wrote that line. There was a dance at school, and near the end, Sam and I went for a walk. My mom was in Fresno at the aggressive parenting conference, so I didn't have a curfew. We were strolling along the side of the road when she pulled me onto an abandoned plot of land.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" I asked as she led me through the tall grass.

"Just stop talking and keep walking" she said. She led me towards the edge of the land where there was an old wire fence. The bottom of the fence had been pulled free, leaving a decent-sized hole which Sam proceeded to climb through. While she was doing so I distinctly heard ripping fabric, but Sam didn't seem to care. I followed her through and found a neatly trimmed riverbank on the other side. Sam had kicked off her shoes and was sitting in the grass under a big tree with her legs crossed. I sat next to her, and we stayed there in comfortable silence for a few moments. Neither of us felt the need to say anything, so we didn't. I kept sneaking glances at her, and I could tell that she was doing the same. I had gradually been coming to the realization that she liked me, and I felt that now was as good a time as any to make my move. I took a deep breath, my heart racing, and took her hand in mine. I tensed, waiting for her to pull away, and possibly beat the crap out of me, but instead she twined our fingers together. I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face, and I could see my expression mimicked on Sam's face out of the corner of my eye. Apparently this was all the reassurance Sam needed, because with that she got up onto her knees and launched herself at me, knocking me flat on my back. She supported herself above me, her arms extended and her palms on the grass on either side of my head, and looked into my eyes. She stayed there for a moment, her eyes locked on mine and her face mere inches from mine, until I couldn't take it anymore. I raised my head, closing the distance between us and kissing her. As soon as our lips met she began to sit back, putting her hands behind my head and pulling me up with her, kissing me the entire time. I don't know how much time we spent sitting in the grass kissing – it could have been minutes, or hours or possibly several days. All I knew was that I was happier than I had ever been in my life. Eventually we broke apart, panting slightly and grinning like idiots. Suddenly she leaped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, pouring years of pent up affection into this simple embrace. Eventually she pulled back as far as my tight grip on her waist would allow and looked into my eyes. She kissed me again, and I felt like this was where I belonged in the world, Right here, with Sam.

The chirping of a bird pulled me from sleep, and I unwillingly opened my eyes to see dappled sunlight streaming through the leafy canopy above my head. I panicked for a moment until I remembered the night before. Sam, and the river bed. A warm glow of happiness suffused my entire body as the memories washed over me. Sam was sleeping next to me, her head on my shoulder and her arm draped over my torso. Her eyelids fluttered, and I could tell that my movements had woken her. I kissed her forehead as her eyes opened, and she groaned.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice thick from sleep.

"We fell asleep by the river" I answered, my own voice cracking slightly from disuse.

"Oh" she said. "Okay"

She hugged me tighter and snuggled into my chest. I giggled and sat up, causing Sam to pout in disappointment. I groaned as I sat up, my back sore from sleeping on the grass. I got to my feet and helped Sam up, laughing a little as I looked at us. Sam's dress had a huge tear in it from where it had snagged on the fence, and my shirt was covered in mud and grass stains. Sam's hair was all messed up, and I knew that mine also did not look attractive. Sam and I walked back towards the fence and crawled through the hole, making our way across the empty plot of land and onto the sidewalk. We walked down the street with our fingers interlocked, garnering some very strange looks from the few people on the street. I could only imagine how we looked – two teenagers walking hand in hand down the street at 6:30 in the morning with messed up hair, torn and stained formal wear and Sam barefoot with her shoes in her hand. I looked up at the sky to see a blanket of heavy gray clouds over the entire city.

"What a miserable day" I remarked, frowning slightly at the unbroken canopy of thunderclouds.

"Really?" said Sam, looking up at the sky. "I think it's pretty nice today" she said, squeezing my hand and smiling. I had gone home, showered and finally finished my song before falling into a deep sleep filled with the happiest dreams.

_Oh the wait was so worth it _I finished softly, looking up at Sam as the last chords faded away, scared to see her expression. What if she hated it? I reluctantly looked up to see her wearing the tenderest expression I had ever seen on her face.

"Thank you" she whispered, and it was only when I heard her voice cracking that I noticed the tears in her eyes. "It's amazing"

"You're amazing" I answered, putting my guitar away. She reached into my guitar case and pulled out the worn, tattered piece of paper inside. Each line was written in a different pen, in varying degrees of messiness. She held the paper in her hand, that battered piece of folder paper that contained our history.

"Can I have this?" she asked. I nodded and she smiled, putting it into her bag. She leaned forward and kissed me before hugging me tightly. Then she whispered something that I had never heard her say, so quietly that I barely heard her.

"I love you"

I was slightly surprised, but my reply came so naturally to my lips that I knew that deep down I had been ready to say it for a long time.

"I love you too"


	5. The One That You Love

**I know you all probably thought I was dead or something, but no need to fear, I am alive and well and back! I stopped writing because I don't really like writing stories that pretend that certain episodes of the show just never happened. Having said that, this story is supposed to go right after the end of iLove You, completely disregarding any episodes after that. Oops. In my defense, I wrote it right after iLove You and never posted it cause I didn't particularly like it, but I have decided to post it now. Yay! Anyway, enough rambling. On with the story!**

**P.S. I love reviews. Just thought you should know :)**

_Now the night has gone_

_Now the night has gone away_

_Doesn't seem that long_

_We hardly had two words to say_

_Hold me in your arms_

_For just another day_

_I promise this one will go slow_

_Oh..._

_We have the right you know_

_We have the right you know_

"Sam. Sam, wake up"

I groaned and rolled over, backing Freddie.

"Sam!" he whispered again, jostling my shoulder.

I sat up and opened my eyes, looking around blearily. I was in Freddie's bed, and I could see the first rays of dawn through the window. _I must have fallen asleep here last night _I thought. I couldn't believe that it was over already. That one last precious night together, gone already.

"What time is it?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

"Nearly five thirty" he answered.

I unwillingly swung my legs out of the bed, getting up and stretching before gathering my stuff. I went around Freddie's room, sadly picking up all of my possessions that had spread across his room. Clothes in his bottom drawer, Fat Cakes under his bed, hair ties on his dressing table, a toothbrush in the bathroom, I slowly put them all into my bag. I could feel Freddie's eyes following me as I silently cleared his room of my belongings. When they were all gone I made my way to the front door, hearing Freddie's footsteps behind me. When I reached the door I paused, turning to look at him.

"Well…" I began, not sure what to say. What does one say after spending one last bittersweet night together? The most perfect, and yet most heartbreaking night of my life. I couldn't believe it was over already. I wanted it to last forever, just the two of us suspended in time in that night.

"Uh…" Freddie responded, clearly at a loss as well. It felt like not long ago that words were unnecessary for us. We were able to communicate with just a look, or a touch. We hardly had to speak at all.

"Goodbye, Freddie" I whispered, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.

He said nothing, just pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me. I sank into him, feeling the familiar contours of his body against mine. I buried my face in his neck, feeling that this was where I belonged. Here, in Freddie's arms. I felt safe, and protected and loved. I wished we could have just one more day together, and spend it just like this. No talking, no kissing, nothing but me safely cocooned in Freddie's arms, and the rest of the world around us irrelevant.

Suddenly, this break-up made me kind of angry. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but who was Carly to label what we had like that? Yeah, our relationship was weird, and volatile, and flawed, but we made each other happy. Didn't we at least have the right to be together without being judged and labeled and analyzed? It happened all the time, and we were sick of it. We heard people whisper about us and we read the comments on iCarly, all of them saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Given our history of bickering and supposed hatred for each other, they said, we would inevitably fall apart. You couldn't just change ten years of feelings overnight, they said. We had just ignored them, determined to prove them wrong because we loved each other and they just didn't get it. What they took for hatred was really ten years of pent up emotional frustration, finally being released. It wasn't until we heard it from Carly that we began to consider the possibility that they may be right. Maybe we were going to have an amazing few months together and then it would crash and burn, just like they said it would. Quit while you're ahead, they advised us. Do it now, before you have a horrible nasty break-up and then can't even be friends. It made sense on paper, but now I felt like my heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Eventually I felt Freddie loosen his grip slightly, and I knew I had to go before his mom got home and freaked out. He gently kissed the top of my head and let go.

"Goodbye Sam" he whispered, his voice cracking ever so slightly. With that, I turned around and walked out of his apartment.

_Here I am_

_The one that you love_

_Askin' for another day_

_Understand the one that you love_

_Loves you in so many ways_

_Tell me we can stay_

_Tell me we can stay oh please_

_They are the words to say_

_The only words I can believe_

I heard the door shut behind me and I had every intention of going home, but I couldn't seem to make my feet move. I knew I couldn't stay outside in the hall, because Mrs. Benson would be home any minute, so I walked down the hall to the elevator and went up to the roof. The roof had become our spot, because it was the one place we could go where nobody would find us. I opened the door and propped it open with the brick that lay on the floor, walking out onto the roof. The sun had almost fully risen, and the entire roof was bathed in soft orange light. I walked over to the edge and looked out onto Seattle, which was quiet and peaceful the way it only is in the early hours of the morning. I stood and watched the city waking up; lights in windows coming on, cars on the roads, people on the sidewalks. I watched them all, lost in thought, until a familiar voice pulled me out of my reverie.

"Sam?"

I turned around to see Freddie walking towards me. _Crap _I thought. It had been so damn hard for me to walk away from him once, and I had no idea how I would do it again.

"What are you doing up here?" I asked, perhaps a bit more harshly than I should have.

"Same thing you are" he answered softly, coming to stand next to me.

"I should go" I said, turning on my heel and heading for the door.

"Sam, wait"

I stopped in my tracks, but I didn't turn around.

"What?"

"How would you feel about one more day?"

I turned around slowly to look at Freddie, who wore the most hopeful expression I have ever seen.

"What do you mean?"

"Us. For one more day. Twenty four more hours together" he answered.

Every fiber of my being longed to scream yes, and then leap on him and kiss him all over his beautiful face.

"What's the point?" I asked softly. "You know it'll only make it harder"

"No it won't…" he said unconvincingly.

"Yes it will. And then we'll extend it for another couple hours, and then another, and then another. If we're going to do this, Freddie, we have to do it cold turkey"

"I can't!" he burst out exasperatedly. I said nothing, simply watched him as he ran a hand through his hair in a very familiar frustrated gesture.

"Sam, I love you" he said. "I love you in so many ways, ways I didn't even know I could. I know that in theory it makes sense for us to break up, but I can't do it. I thought it would be okay, cause I knew that we would still have each other as friends, but that's not enough for me anymore. Not when I still love you and I know you still love me. And you're right, I don't just want one more day. I don't want us to break up at all. So please, Sam. Tell me we can stay together. Please"

I looked into his eyes, trying to fight the desperation I saw in them.

"But we agreed-" I began softly, but Freddie cut me off.

"I know what we agreed, and I know that it makes sense, but… in practice it sucks. No matter how much I tell myself that this is for the best, it feels like my heart is being shattered into a zillion little pieces, pieces that can never, ever be put back together again. If everybody is right, and we do break up, then at least I will know that we tried our hardest. But what if we're meant to be together, and we give up on it just because people doubted us? I would rather break up because it didn't work and be miserable for a few months than break up now cause we were scared and wonder for the rest of my life what could have happened if we'd had the guts to stick it out"

I could feel my resolve wavering as Freddie looked at me with those warm brown eyes, full of hope.

"Come on, Sam. Please?" he whispered. "I know you still love me, and I know that if you say you want anything other than you and me, you're lying"

He was right. Of course he was right. I had nearly convinced myself that this was what I wanted, but Freddie saw straight past my bullshit. It scared me sometimes, how he knew me better than I knew myself. I had spent my entire life putting on facades, and I had gotten so good at it that I had begun to believe them myself. It was easier that way. But Freddie, he had never quite fallen for my acts, even when I had fallen for them myself. He knew who I really was, even when I had forgotten myself.

"Okay" I whispered uncertainly. As I said the word, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me and I was now so light I was in danger of floating away. The ache in my chest that had been there since we broke up disappeared, and warmth suffused my entire being. "Yes!"

Freddie grinned at me, looking happier than I had ever seen him. I ran at him and leaped on him, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him joyfully. Eventually I had to pull away for air, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. I unraveled myself from around him and dropped to my feet.

"Come on. Lets go for breakfast" I said, pulling him by the elbow towards the door. "I'm starving"

He took my hand in his, threading our fingers together, and I reveled in the familiar feeling of his warm, soft hand around mine. It felt like home. We walked through the door hand in hand, and I knew I had made the right choice.

"Hey Sam?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you"

"I love you too"


End file.
